Polygamy: Really?

I read a fascinating book this week; A.J. Jacobs' The Year of Living Biblically. In it, A.J. sets out to obey the 700+ laws of The Bible as literally as possible. His quest tangents, however, on numerous contemporary issues such as gay rights and abortion. And polygamy.

He discovered a small contingent of Christian polygamists, hoping to have their lifestyle recognized and legalized. This got me thinking, and when I get thinking, I get writing. For starters, we need a working definition of Polygamy. The dictionary defines polygamy as " the practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time." Entymologically, the word comes from the French polygamie, via the Latin polugamos, meaning ‘often marrying.’ Entymologically, it technically refers to one who simply has married often. I have an uncle who has been married thrice, but I wouldn't consider him a polygamist by any stretch. The polygamy described in the book is actually polygyny, where a man has more than one wife. Polyandry is when a woman has more than one husband.

The gay marriage debate saw a number of absurd statements made on both sides, but perhaps most absurd was the assertation that gay marriage would lead the way to legal polygamy. Legally, sure, it could. The United States Libertarian Party opposes the government regulating marriage at all, so polygamy would be allowed legally, as would gay marriage, as dictated by whatever governing body designates people as married or marry-able. But something being legal (or in the Libertarian model, simply not an area of government regulation) doesn't mean it's feesable or practical.

The workings of polygamy (be it polgyny or polyandry) are rather complex. Intense emotions are at play, and even if it were legal, it still presents logistical obstacles that keep it a pretty seldom seen activity. First off, there's the question of aspiring to be one. You'd have to be fairly open with your aspirations when playing the field. I sincerely doubt that someone decides to become a polygamist after marrying someone else. That's a pretty major thing to just announce after marriage. I'm sure some social anthropologists would point to this as being a cause of affairs; the impulse to have two wives, but unwilling to suddenly become a polygamist, they simply cheat. Numerous people have suggested that polyamoury is the natural state of humanity (monogamy is a minority position in the animal kingdom), so polygamy is the matrimonial (albeit paradoxical) equivelant.

But again, logistics. To some people, being told by their spouse-to-be that they aspire to have a second spouse is on par with being told by their spouse-to-be that they plan on having an affair during their relationship. The likelihood of such a confession being accepted and understood is astonishingly slim. While transparency and openness are admirable qualities in a mate, similar views on monogamy are absolutely essential if a relationship is to survive. Monogamy is the norm, and polygamists and polyamourists are in a very small minority.

But assuming two people get involved, fully aware that their eventual state will be polygyny or polyandry. Unlikely as it may be, it gets more unlikely. For argument's sake, they begin married life in monogamy. At some point, one would start looking for a second spouse. Forget paranoia about someone being unfaithful, this is far more. And unlike a traditional monogamous relationship (be it straight or gay), there's no promise of being eachother's one and only. They're their one of many. Would they double their spousal efforts to try and lead them to monogamy? This level of suspicion, dread, and general anxiety make marrying someone with aspirations of polygamy seem just plain uncomfortable.

Assuming further, let's say that both partners are totally comfortable with having the other start looking for a second spouse. Do they have a set time they'll start looking? Would there be an arrangement of remaining monogamous if a suitable second spouse does not reveal him or her self by a certain milestone? And then you have the incredibly low probability of finding a third person to participate. Finding two people willing to be polygamists was hard enough. Now you need to find a third. And not just some random person. They have to be of the appropriate appearance, personality, and temperment.

Great beard of zeus.

So you see, there's probably nothing to fear about polygamy. We have to make several large assumptions just to get to the point where a couple considers adding a third party. This likely explains why polygamy is much more common outside the western world, or in. Monogamy is such an incredibly established thing in north america and europe that polygamy seems incredibly alien and selfish. As such, it's about as likely to happen in mainstream society as a revolt of the US Navy's highly trained attack porpises, legal or not.